Dear Cathy,

My son got very sick and returned home with his two male dogs. Unfortunately, my son passed away last April. His dogs are two and three years old, and I have a male Chihuahua who is ten-years-old. They all are very jealous of my attention. I give them all my love, but they are always fighting. What can I do to stop the fighting? – Caroline

Dear Caroline,

I’m so sorry for your loss and can understand the added stress of managing three dogs who are now competing for your attention. It’s not uncommon for dogs, especially males, to experience tension in a household, especially after a major change like a new living arrangement and the loss of their owner. Let’s walk through a few steps that can help ease the conflict and create a more harmonious environment for you and your dogs.

Step 1: Ensure they are neutered

If any of the dogs aren’t already neutered, this is the first step. Neutering can help reduce hormone-driven aggression and territorial behavior, which might be contributing to their fights. While neutering isn’t a guaranteed solution for stopping the fighting entirely, it can significantly lower the chances of aggression among male dogs in the home.

Step 2: Use calming pheromones

To help create a calmer atmosphere, consider using canine pheromone diffusers around your home. These products release pheromones that mimic those naturally produced by nursing mother dogs, which can have a calming effect on adult dogs. You can find these diffusers or sprays at most pet stores. They’re easy to plug in and can reduce general anxiety levels, making it easier for your dogs to coexist without feeling so tense.

Step 3: Identify and manage triggers

One of the most important steps in reducing fights is to identify the specific triggers that cause tension. Dogs often fight over “resources,” whether that’s your attention, food, toys, or even a favorite spot in the house. Pay close attention to when and where the fights happen. Do they start squabbling when food is being served or when they’re vying for your attention on the couch? Once you’ve identified the triggers, you can take steps to manage those situations.

For example, if they fight over food, consider feeding them in separate areas to avoid competition. If it’s attention-related, create clear boundaries—for instance, no dogs on the couch while you’re sitting there, so no one gets favored treatment. By keeping the environment structured and removing opportunities for conflict, you’re setting them up for success.

Step 4: Establish firm rules and leadership

Dogs look for leadership and structure, and when they don’t feel like someone is clearly in charge, they can become more territorial or aggressive with one another. Make sure you’re establishing yourself as the leader by setting clear rules and boundaries for all of them. Use a firm but calm voice when addressing them. Sometimes, women’s naturally softer tone can be misinterpreted by dogs, leading them to believe they need to take charge, which can increase competition among them.

Avoid showing favoritism. Dogs are very perceptive, and if they think one dog is getting more attention than the others, it can escalate jealousy. Make sure everyone is treated fairly, with consistent rules and rewards. Having structure helps reduce anxiety and allows them to feel more secure.

Step 5: Increase their exercise

A lack of exercise can often contribute to behavioral issues, including fighting. Dogs, especially younger ones, need regular physical and mental stimulation to help burn off excess energy and reduce anxiety. Long daily walks or playtime in the yard can help reduce their stress levels and leave them feeling more relaxed. When dogs are physically tired, they’re less likely to get into squabbles.

By making sure all the dogs are neutered, managing their triggers, establishing yourself as the leader, and ensuring they get plenty of exercise, you can help reduce the tension and fighting in your home. It will take some time and patience, but with consistent effort, you can create a more peaceful environment for you and your dogs.

If the fighting continues despite these efforts, it may be helpful to seek the advice of a professional dog trainer or behaviorist. Sometimes, an outside perspective can identify subtle dynamics or triggers you may not have noticed. A professional can work with you to create a personalized behavior modification plan for your dogs.

Best of luck, and I hope things improve soon!  

Cathy M. Rosenthal is a longtime animal advocate, author, and columnist with more than 35 years in the field of animal welfare. If you are interested in her children’s books, please visit https://cathyrosenthal.com/petpunditpublishing/. Send your pet questions to cathy@petpundit.com.